A ‘Dopplegangland’ alternate.

Xander Lavelle Harris sat at the table in the school library with mixed expressions on his face. Reading a single piece of paper, his face turned from a palate of disgust to laughter and back again.

“Man’s a sicko,” Xander muttered.

“Who that?”

Xander jumped out of his chair at the sound of the voice. Once he was turned around and saw who it was, he calmed down.

It’s only Willow, he thought.

“Jesus, you scared me, Will.”

Hearing this, she looked mildly amused. “Who’s a sicko?” she asked, still wanting to know the answer.

“A friend of mine, Daniel. He wrote a story called ‘Bastard the Clown’. The guy’s messed up,” Xander said, with a nervous chuckle.

Wait a second. Xander looked over Willow closely. Leather? She’s wearing leather? Very tight leather too.

“I guess you weren’t kidding when you said you might change your look,” Xander said, continuing to stare at this very different Willow.

Willow looked a little confused. Finally, she said, “Oh yeah. You know me. Not one to bluff.”

No kidding.

Like any other teenage boy, Xander stood soaking in the marvel before him. Not that Willow minded, though. The longer he gazed, the more the smirk on her lips became apparent.

Realizing how long he had been gawking at her, Xander broke his study and made contact with her. He didn’t know why, but her eyes were a little different. A glint of mischievousness loomed in them.

“So what are you doing here? I thought you’d be at the Bronze watching Oz play,” Xander said. He was more bumbling that usual, though.

“I was at the Bronze,” Willow said. Just then, Xander thought he noticed a deviousness in her voice. “I was looking for a friend who I thought was here. But instead of her, I found you.”

“I’ve only been here a little while, so I didn’t see anybody.”

“That’s okay. I think finding you here was a sign,” she said. Willow then walked towards Xander, letting out a seductive giggle.

“A sign?” Xander asked. He took a step back as Willow approached.

“You know. Divine intervention from the gods.”

“Oh. That kind of sign.”

“Exactly.” Willow began to stroke Xander’s arm. “Xander, why aren’t you and I together?”

Xander was shocked. Not so much by the question, but the sheer bluntness of it.

“I think it was the fact that you and I were going out with other people at the time.” Xander felt Willow’s hand move down to his leg. “You remember Oz. Around your height. Rapidly changing hair colors. All around decent guy,” he stammered out.

“I remember that guy.”

“Good. Cause I don’t want us…”

Okay, her tongue is in my mouth.

Xander wasn’t sure what to do. There were two voices debating in his mind. The first was his head while the latter was his hormones. Both made very convincing arguments, but since the blood was rushing away from his head, the hormones won out.

This is nice, Xander thought, now partaking in the kissing.

Willow pulled back and smiled at Xander with a devilish grin. She then picked up Xander’s hand. Gently, she massaged his index finger with her tongue.

Xander let out a shuddered sigh. “Will. Before we do anything, I have to ask you a question.”

“Go ahead,” she said, while persisting to arouse Xander.

“You’re not mad about the me-Faith thing? Cause I know it was a bad call on my part, and I’d understand if you were mad.” Xander’s breathing was now very brisk.

“Who’s Faith?” Willow asked.

“So you’re not made. Good. I was afraid that it would ruin our friendship,” he let the words out rapidly.

“Xander,” Willow said in a serious tone, “shut up.”

With amazing ease, Willow lifted Xander up and slammed him onto the table.

“You been bulking up, Wills?” Xander asked meekishly.

“Don’t worry, you won’t be hurt,” Willow said straddling Xander’s legs. As Willow unzipped Xander’s pant’s with her teeth, his eyes rolled back into his head.

* * * *

An hours later, Xander was stuck with a thought, which in his opinion, summarized the evenings events.


Willow was currently helping Xander get dressed by finding his pants. She had really worn him out. Nearly every muscle in his body ached.

“Found them,” Willow exclaimed. Standing behind the counter, Willow held up the pants with a smug look of pride on her face. Xander gave her a thumbs up, showing his appreciation. “Hear you go,” Willow said, tossing them to Xander.

She’s really been working out, Xander thought. As if to confirm his suspicions, Willow was over the counter and by his side, on the table, before Xander could complete his thought.

“Want me to help you put those on?” Willow asked.

“I think I can handle this,” Xander said, putting his legs through the pant holes. In direct contradiction to his statement, Xander let out a few strained grunts as he stood up to complete the process. “No problem,” he said, pulling the pants up to his waist. Finished the job, Xander let out a sigh of relief. “All done.”

Willow began to finger Xander’s hair. “You want to do it again?” Her lips were now a few centimeters away from his ear.

“Not right now. No thank you,” Xander said hastily.

“Alright. I know something else I can do with you,” Willow said playfully.


Xander’s head bobbed to the entrance of the library. It was Buffy, stake in hand. She wasn’t looking at him, but Willow. That’s when Xander heard a low growl emitted from where Willow was sitting.

Xander looked at Willow and screamed, “Oh shit!”

It was Willow, but it wasn’t. It was a vampire. She was currently staring at Buffy with furious eyes.

Xander feverishly leaped off the table, and landed on the ground. Facing Willow, he watched her as she got to her feet and made her way to the stacks. Not once did she turn away from Buffy. A second later she was gone.

Xander watched as Buffy, too, made her way into the stacks. She didn’t even stop to see how Xander was.

Still on the floor, Xander was breathing heavily, trying desperately to make sense of the situation. “Willow’s a vampire,” he mumbled to himself.


Xander looked up towards the stacks. It was Willow.

Oh, my god. She’s come back to finish the job. Xander was about to make for the entrance when he noticed something. No leather?

A second later she was followed by Buffy, another Willow, a strange girl, and the rest of the gang. Oz, Angel, and Buffy formed a circle around the second Willow, protecting others from her. While Giles had his arm wrapped firmly around the stranger girl’s arm.

This is severely weird.

* * * *

A few hours later, Xander sat on a park bench. It was the middle of the night. The only source of illumination was the faint moonlight and a street lamp twenty meters away. But safety was not the Xander’s primary concern at that moment. His thoughts lay with Willow.

At least she seemed happy to be going home, Xander thought. Through the entire ritual to send Willow back to her dimension, Xander hadn’t spoken to her once. The awkwardness he felt left him mute through the entire ordeal. The only time he even made eye contact with the vampire wasn’t until moments before she left.

It was purely by accident. He was standing at least 12 feet away from her. Distancing himself from her, as well as everybody else. When it happened, a wave of panic washed over him. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t move. She could, though. She smiled at him. Xander felt the urge to do something. Anything. But he didn’t. So she turned to the real Willow and started the ritual.

Minutes later, she was gone. The group began to disperse, so Xander took it upon himself to disappear. Most importantly, get away from Willow. An hour later, he found himself in the park, on the bench, thinking about Willow.

“A penny for your thoughts.” Xander raised his stake and looked up. Buffy smiled. “If I was a vampire, you’d be dead by now.”

Xander put down the stake in silence. No humorous remarks came to mind, so he opted to say, “Want to sit down?”

Buffy walked over and sat down. “Hard to believe isn’t it?”

“What’s that?” Xander asked.

“That the person we saw tonight was a vampire from another dimension. Brought here by some girl who used to be a demon.”

“What’s her name again?”

“Anya.” Buffy and Xander sat on the bench engulfed in an awkward silence. “I’d like to welcome you to the club,” Buffy said, slapping Xander’s leg.

“What club’s that?”

“People who’ve slept with vampires.”

Xander nearly choked on the air he was breathing. After a few panic stricken thoughts, he uttered, “What makes you think I’m part of that club?”

“I saw you,” Buffy said bluntly.

“Saw me?” Xander wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer to that question.

“Putting your clothes on. There’s only so many things a person can do naked.” After a few seconds, she added, “Plus I saw the way you were acting afterwards. Pretty obvious.”

Xander placed his hands on his temple. “Does anybody else know?”

“No. And I don’t think they’ll find out either.” Xander still had his hands on his temple. “Want to talk about it?”

A second later, Xander was standing up and began ranting. “You know what bugs me the most. Out of all of this. It’s the fact that both girls I’ve slept with have tried to kill me.” Xander raised his arms to the sky. “I mean who else can say that?”

“I can.”

Xander stopped moving. “Oh yeah. I guess you can.”


Xander sat back down. He took in a deep breath. Apologies never came easy for him. “I’m sorry. I’ve been so wrapped up in myself that I forgot who I was talking to.”

“It’s okay.” The words came out halfhearted. Xander knew that his words stirred up some bad memories for Buffy.

At least I didn’t have to send Willow to hell.

“Can I ask you a question?” Buffy sounded less solemn.

“Fire away.”

“Why did you do it?”

A smile formed on Xander’s lips. “You had to ask the most difficult one, didn’t you. You could have asked me about the meaning of life. That would be a hell of a lot easier to answer.” A dark cloud settled over Xander. His smile vanished and was replaced by a cold stare. “I’d really like to blame it all on hormones, but I can’t. The truth is I love her.”

Buffy was silent. She took a moment to take these very big words in. “If you love her don’t you think you should tell her?”

“Are you crazy girl!!”

“I’m sorry, but it seemed like the obvious thing to say.” Buffy chuckled. You don’t have to yell. I’m right here.”

“I had to show you the absurdity of your suggestion. Now let me ask you a question.” Xander looked over to Buffy. She nodded. “Why do you think Cordelia and me didn’t work out when Willow and Oz did?”

“Pride,” Buffy said, almost reflexively. “Cordelia doesn’t have it in her to forgive you for kissing Willow.”

“Good guess, but wrong.” Xander paused. “Willow and Oz are in love. Cordelia and I are not.”

“But Willow does love you,” Buffy counterpointed.

“Did. Not does. At least not the way she did before.”

Buffy was convinced. Xander wasn’t as dense as she once thought he was. “Want to kill some vampires.”

“Certainly.” There was a large amount of “Curly” in Xander’s voice.

Buffy and Xander stood up. The moon was getting pretty low. Only an hour or so before the sun rose.

“Besides, a young stud like me can’t be held down in his prime.” Buffy had a smile which read, “typical Xander”. Xander added, “That Anya was pretty hot, huh?”

“Don’t even go there!”

I got lucky, and had a heart to heart with Buffy. Not a bad night for the zeppo.

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