Cover Up

After James and Lily graduated from Hogwarts, he had a hard time finding a job. His graduating class had been exceptionally talented, and while he and Lily were doin their thing, other students had applied for jobs. All the good wizarding jobs had already been taken by the time James started looking.

Fortunately, Lily had a connection in the Ministry who had been a Gryffindor at Hogwarts and graduated 2 years earlier. She set up an interview for James with Cornelius Fudge.

Cornelius told him there was very little that he could do. The only thing he could think of was some kind of special assignment for James.

“The opening for Spy-On-Voldemort-And-Possibly-Kill-Him is temporarily open. I’ll give it to you, but if you do happen to kill Voldemort, there’s no other reason for me to keep you here, so you’ll have to find a job somewhere else.”

James ran home and told his wife the sort-of-good news. The pay was good, and he did a lot of traveling to exotic places. Except for the spying-on-Voldemort part, life was good.

Eventually, Lily became pregnant with their first baby. By this time, James kind of suspected that Voldemort knew about him, so when Lily had the baby, he had the fidelius charm performed just in case.

However, their secret keeper betrayed them, and one calm summer night, Voldemort showed up at their door.

“Die!” yelled Voldemort.

James ducked out of the way of the blast of white light coming out of the end of Voldemort’s wand. He then picked up a chair and smashed it over Voldemort’s head repeatedly.

“I did it! I killed Voldemort!”

“But that means you don’t have a job anymore!”

“…oh yeah.”

“Maybe we can make it look like WE died instead!”

“But then how will I keep my job if I’m supposed to be dead?”

“…well you can pretend you’re someone else, and you can pretend to be Voldemort too! Here, use this eyepatch.”


So James and Lily faked their own death and got rid of Voldemort’s body. James stole the neighbours’ owl (the neighbours were having a second honeymoon and left their own baby with a nanny) and made up some story to send to Dumbledore about their deaths.

While they were preparing to leave…

“What about the baby?”

“You mean Hermione? We’re gonna take her with us!”

“You mean our whole family’s supposed to die?”


“That sucks!”

“Well what do you want to do?”

“I want someone to carry on the name of Potter!”

“Well I like Hermy so there! Go kidnap someone’s kid or something…”

“What are you saying? That we kidnap someone’s kid?”

“Uh…Yeah, that’s what I just said.”


So James kidnapped the neigbours’ kid and erased the nanny’s memory.

“What’s that scar doing on his forehead?”

“I drew it! Isn’t it cool?”

“You are so stupid. I should have married Snape.”

“But I’m so cute.”


So James and Lily left the neighbours’ kid at their old house with a note saying “Hi! I’m Harry Potter,” and moved to Canada! James got his old job under the name ‘The Rock’ and no one noticed him with the eye patch, while also pretending to be Voldemort. He shuttled back and forth from England to Canada by using floo powder.

In time, their daughter grew up and got the letter from Hogwarts. She went over to England to attend Hogwarts, and became friends with these two guys named Ron Weasley and Harry Potter!

It was at this time that Hermione realized she didn’t know her last name. When her friends started asking, she sent a letter back home to ask what her last name was. The reply was, “Granger sounds nice. And don’t tell your friends our family is magic. They might tell something to their parents that they aren’t supposed to know. Have a nice day!”

So from that time on, she became known as Hermione Granger. When she asked about the scar on Harry’s forehead, he said it was from when he was a baby and Voldemort tried to kill him but his mother sacrificed her life for him and Voldemort lost almost all his power. Hermione started rubbing the scar and it smudged. Harry didn’t notice so she just said, “That’s nice!”

10 thoughts on “Cover Up

  1. Dordor29 says:

    that was cool. very cool. the people who criticised your style of writing are all KILLJOYS! I WRITE STORIES LIKE THAT AND THEY ROCK!

    still, my friends refused to read this and i have no idea whether they have read mine yet.

    so i am going to highly reccomend this story and hope that people learn to enjoy the insanity of mick takes (or whatever you call your style of writing)

  2. Iris says:

    Is this supposed to be a parody? Because um…it was a good parody but a horrible “story”. By good parody, I meant this is actually a terribly excuse for a story, but the scar part was funny. 😀

  3. Salizar Riddle says:

    dude this is really awesome! Its really random, and randomness is the kewlnessest ever! the hermione/harry part is confusing, but thats otayness. o well. hahaha. keep up the good work!

  4. Raraiki says:

    Bloody hell! I just loved that – i’m getting even stranger looks at the moment – coz i’m laughing too much! Anyway, I love your stupid pointless stories, hope you write many more! Have a nice day, luv Hayllius! (:(:(:(:(:(:(:

  5. The anti-Fleur says:

    I can’t believe that I never reviewed this! (Well, up until now) I’ve always thought of this fic as my favourite HP humour fanfic, and I printed off copies when I first read it. It was “Here, use this eyepatch” that convinced me up… ROTLF&L!

  6. Colin says:

    I thought it was funny! I like the part about the note saying ‘Hi! I’m Harry.’ It was like when you buy a babydoll, it comes with a note like that. I thought it was very funny. Intresting twist!

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