I shut my eyes tightly and put my head down trying to block out the noise all about. “This is impossible.” I muttered. With all the cacophonous sound in the tower, it was impossible and insensible to focus on anything. I was getting distracted even while I was reading my favorite book of Poe’s poetry. I felt the table beneath my head lift up a bit. “Come on, Raven. Focus, focus, calm down.” I tried to alleviate the tension within and opened my eyes when I felt the table steady on the ground. What had been bugging me all through the morning?
“Yo Mr. Vegetarian! Can you beat that? I’ve had two spoonfuls of that ultra-super-hot-burn-a-hole-through-your-tongue salsa and I can easily drink up this whole can.” Cyborg flashed a “beat this” look at Beast Boy.
“Dude, I’ve had spinach that was spicier.” He took his spoon and gulped down four spoonfuls of the sauce. “Beat that!” Beast Boy exclaimed. Sure, he looked like he was about to cry from the intense spiciness of the salsa, but he wasn’t going to lose to Cyborg.
Cyborg took another few spoonfuls of the salsa. The half-robot was steaming up as well. I could literary see hot smoke pervading through his ears.
Yes. It had been an excruciatingly long morning. B.B. and Cyborg had begun their antics early on when Robin suggested that we have pizza for lunch today.
Cyborg, of course, wanted the meat-lovers’ special. Beast Boy, as usual, wanted to rid us of that “disgusting, sinful” meat and urged us to get the vegetarian special. Robin was smart enough to run off. Meanwhile, our sweet alien friend, Starfire suggested the ever-eccentric mint frosting and mustard laden pizza. Thus, the conflict arose. Cy and B.B. have been engaging in various contests to determine a victor and the pizza toping decider. They began trying the salsa about ten minutes ago after the cereal eating contest got too messy and the burping contest tragically terminated when I accidentally let my temper run wild and crushed all the soda cans.
I could’ve been smart and gone to my room to read, but I actually needed the noise and distraction. As much as B.B. and Cy frustrate me, I was kind of glad for their noise. In all my frustration for the past hour, I have forgotten why it had been getting increasingly difficult for me to control my emotions.In the darkness and solitude of my room, I feared that my thoughts would have drifted onto that oh-so-dreadful topic.
“Raven, are you all right?” Starfire looked at me with concern. Well she had good reason to; I mean I was just staring into space. I nodded. “Well, I would be a lot better if they (I emphasized this loudly) weren’t so obnoxious over there.” “Oh.” She said quietly. “I did try to stop them earlier by offering to decide on the pizza type earlier, but I believe that I have just made the situation worse.” She scanned the living room quickly. “Hm.that is strange. Where is Robin?” She asked innocently. I shrugged and suggested the weight room.
Best Boy and Cyborg weren’t the ones who had really troubled my thoughts, haunting my utter soul, for the past few weeks, though. It was really Robin, our beloved team leader. You see, I think I’ve fallen for him and I know that it isn’t just a crush because I did have a bit of one earlier on him, but it has never manifested me as it has been doing these few days. His slight smirk, his voice, his confidence, and his understanding of us all, of me and my need to be alone.I can’t think of him without a light bulb exploding and just this week, I’ve broken five windows (though I blame it all on Beast Boy and Cyborg’s tiffs). It’s just been getting worse over time and I can’t terminate these feelings. Worst of all though, I know that they will never be reciprocated. It burns through my heart, my soul to realize this, but it is lucidly true-nothing has ever been such an ultimate truth as this has. I am a fool; an utterly idiotic one by that fact because I know in my heart that the one he loves (though he is too shy to admit it) is Starfire and only her.
And that is why I’ve avoided her attempts at friendship for a long time. I wanted to condemn her as the fool and to know nothing more of her except that she is a naïve alien who knows absolutely nothing of any earth customs. That way, it would have been a ton lot easier to denounce Robin as an oaf, as well, for having feelings for such a superficial being.
However, I cannot hate Star or call her a fool any longer. She’s become my friend, a close one for that fact. After being trapped in her body by the puppet master, I’ve learned things about her that I would have never dreamed of hearing, from her of all people. She opened up her soul to me and bravely allowed me to take a glimpse. (A.N: This is for dramatic effect only. I really have no idea if this goes with the comics at all.) And through her voice, I felt her past, her war ridden planet, her separated family, and her dead fiancé who she had been promised to at birth who seemed to look remarkably like Robin, but all that is a different story. And through this all, I understood her emotional outbursts and giddiness and it feels nice for someone to truly understand why I must never lose control. And I cannot help but to feel remorse for avoiding her earlier. All that time we spent trying to understand each other in order to utilize the other’s powers, she had been slightly sad-wondering what she was doing wrong as a friend because I never seemed to want to be around her.
I suddenly sat up straight in my chair. It was the day from that vision-that terrible day when I could no longer prevent Star and Robin from being together and falling into the depths of passion. I do consider it immoral to peek into others’ thoughts. However, with visions, I can’t prevent myself from seeing the future of those I care for. And I had known long ago that Robin and Star’s relationship would reach this level a long time ago. It was so obvious (even without looking at their auras) that they cared deeply for each other. No matter how many questions Star had for Robin, he would always patiently and even eagerly answer them. I tried to ignore this all at first (after all, not all prophecies were true), but it became increasingly obvious that something more was going on between the two. Even Cyborg had confronted Robin about this. “Hey Robin! So come on, is there something going on between you and Star?” And instead of being his usual confident self, he would turn a slight shade a pink (a rather adorable one too) and would avoid the question.
Just how many times has he saved her? He constantly risked his life (to my dismay) for her. He had vehemently destroyed those strange pink probes and boldly hung onto the Centari guards’ hovercraft to rescue her without the rest of us- the team. In Mad Mod’s crazy school (I’m still recovering from that gym class), he had saved her from being smashed by that huge library stamp. And on that cliff, he had jumped down without another thought to prevent any harm from befalling to her. His obsession with Slade, I have no doubt, must have had to do with protecting Starfire.anything for her.
“Hah! In your face Cy! Vegetarian pizza for all!” Beast Boy yelled out victoriously. He seemed to have gone on eating the salsa the longest without any water. “I want a rematch!” Cyborg pounded his fist on the table. I did feel a tad bit bad for him- I mean the two did spend the entire morning duking it out to choose the pizza topping (guys-will I ever understand them?). “Hey Raven! Go tell Rob and Star that we’re going to have all veggie pizza! I would gloat myself except I’ve got a phone call to make and I don’t want someone here (he motioned Cyborg and coughed loudly) to mess up the order.” I sighed in exasperation and muttered “all right. Joy.fake meat for lunch.” Cyborg, meanwhile, used a last ditch “begging for another challenge” technique, which by the looks of things wasn’t working well.
When Robin started stealing for Slade, it was Star who was the only one who could stop him. While none of us had been able (nor too willing to) defeat Robin with our powers and brute force, she stopped him in his tracks with mere words. With a simple, “I cannot live in a world where we must fight,” she stopped him. I wish that I had the power to do such things, but I can’t. I must restrain all my feelings or I may as well have blown up that whole building.
I wished that I could at some moment have told him that I did care for him more than a friend and mere teen mate, but I never did. I feared-no I knew that I would face rejection and besides, I didn’t want my two friends to have a harder time. They would already face enough tribulations from our many battles.
There was one time though, that I almost did tell Boy Wonder what I really thought. It was the dawn right after we defeated the freakish Puppet Master. The others had all been exhausted. (I suppose Star wasn’t used to repressing her emotions so much and I’m sure that it’s no fun being trapped in a puppets body.) Slowly, each of us wandered off to bed, but Robin stayed.
“Hey Raven. You and Star did a really nice job today.I’m really proud of you guys. I mean if you didn’t master or if Star didn’t master your powers, we’d still all be puppets now, wouldn’t we?” He yawned a bit at this. Poor guy, he had been exhausted.
“Thanks, Robin. It’s getting late or rather early.you should probably be getting off to bed.” I fathomed a faint smile for him.
He yawned again. “Yea. I should. I wanted to talk to you about Star, I mean you’re the only other girl on the team and you’re awesome at giving advice…” I feigned a yawn. I really didn’t like where this conversation was going; I wasn’t ready yet. “Robin, I’m kind of tired too. I’d probably make no sense whatsoever right now.” He nodded.yes, he always understood, but right now, this was not well enough.
“All right then. Good night, Raven. Sleep tight.” He then absentmindedly bent forward and pecked me quickly on the cheek. I felt my face heat up-turn a flaming red at this point. Restrain emotions. Focus. As hard as I tried though, the giddy side of me was rushing to escape. She jumped within my mind dancing about.
Boom. The lights above us smashed. I quickly focused my energy upon the broken shards to prevent us from getting hurt. “Sorry.” I muttered. “Nerves.” He nodded understandingly and walked down the hall. “Good night to you too Robin.” I whispered and turned to meditation. I had much to sort out with a certain someone inside of me.
Where was I? And then all went amiss for me, at least. Star, I realized, would never display her affections for him if I had revealed my true feelings. She’s too kind to her friends at times, too kind for her own good.
I sighed. Those two were utterly nowhere to be found. I finally tried following my own advice to Star earlier and long behold, I found them in the weight/training room. I was about to announce the tragic news of vegetarian pizza for lunch when I realized that they were having a special sort of talk right now. “Come on Raven.” I urged myself. “Turn away. This will only make it harder.” Bu I couldn’t follow my own sensible advice; I just had to stay and watch.
They were both sitting on a lifting bench and were thankfully turned away from the door. Now I understand how Star had felt when she saw Blackfire with him that one time.
“Robin, I truly do not comprehend these feelings.but I believe that I have had a- oh! What is it called? -A.a smash? On you for quite a while, as well.”
Robin stared at Starfire, quizzically for a moment. “Oh! You mean a crush don’t you?”
Star blushed a bit “I am sorry. I forgot the word.” Robin beamed back at her and took her hand absentmindedly. “So you don’t mind if we see a movie alone sometime?”
“No, not at all. I would be delighted to.” She got up and was prepared to get going when Robin gently whirled her around by the wrist and bent forward, closer and closer until their faces were inches apart.
Now was the time to leave and leave them be. I shut my eyes and levitated softly away. I knew what I would see; yet seeing it in the flesh was still utterly painful. A bleeding heart, a blood covered soul.is that possible? Though I was levitating, I felt heavy.heavy with numbed emotions. The blood was already spilled.
It was amazing that I didn’t cause anything to explode as I floated through the hall, but I haplessly had all my emotions in control, like I always did. I pondered the past and the lost chances that I did not take (and strangely I’m glad that they weren’t taken).
Somewhere through the numbness and the ice that would not melt, when I was fully aware of my surroundings again, I found myself staring at the same page of the poetry book in the living room with an empty mug beside me. It seemed to be quite late at night and Beast Boy was playing some video game on the screen. Good, he was the only one here and he was usually so engrossed by the games that he wouldn’t have noticed a.
Wait, what is he doing? He’s approaching me? Was I being that obviously morose?
“Hey Rave. Are you ok?” He asked politely.
“Oh yea. I’m fine. Something came up and I just needed to sort out everything. Is it that obvious?” I questioned him.
“No, not really. I um.just saw your tea explode a couple of times. Hey, don’t worry. I won’t let the others know a thing. You’ll always be tough Raven. Um.do you need help? I’ll gladly talk about it with you.”
“No, it’s all right. I’ll be ok soon enough. Don’t you have a game to play?” B.B. did seem a bit disappointed when I mentioned that I didn’t want to discuss my problem with him. Could it be that.? No.
No matter what his intentions were, I didn’t like to see him disappointed (he was the usual cheery one after Starfire anyhow) though and was slowing walking back towards his game. “Wait, Best Boy, I’m sure that if the game is getting too boring for you, it.I’d like to talk.”
“You would?” He seemed a bit over eager. However, I was too tired, still too numb to analyze this all.the wounds were still too fresh to be mollified.
“Yea.” I nodded. “I really would just need a friend to talk to right now.”