This Is Me

This world is wrong

This world… is not so fair to begin with

I just came to realize that now

But what are we to change it?

All what we can do

Is to live according to it’s rules

“Hahaha! We got a lot tonight! That bitch before was very dumb!”

“Hell yeah she was! I can’t believe that she was really that stupid, falling into our trap and let us had our way with her.”

“Women these days sure are idiots and too innocent. Lucky us she was rich. How much did we get from her fancy little purse?”

“Roughly 50.000 yen. Let’s go to another club, what do you guys think?”

“Good idea. Let’s go!”

Two… three… four, huh?

“Fufu… What silly rotten humans… They robbed those money after they raped a woman… so ugly and unfashionable…” Tsukiyama laughed sarcastically beside of me. I stayed silent, not wanting to react to his delicate comment.


Tsukiyama stepped forward and pointed his thumb towards those rapists and smiled.

“So Kaneki-kun, how about those pigs for our dinner?” His eyes turned black and his koukaku kagune was already encircled his right arm. His thrist and hunger already were both things that could drive up his fighting spirit insanely.

I put on my mask and stepped forward to the edge of the rooftop.

“Let’s go.”

It’s time for dinner.

We both jumped from on top of the building straight to in front of their way. Our entrance seemed to surprised them.


Tch. So loud. Typical reactions from our victims.

“Sorry to startled you, gentlemen. But I’m afraid this is just as far as you can go.” With his mask on, Tsukiyama bowed down elegantly with his hand on his chest, just like a host who welcomed his guests in a fancy party. This hobby of his was just something that I’ve been trying to tolerate.

“Dafuq…!? What is this freak talking about?”

“You fuckers better scram off or we’ll kill you for disturbing us.” Ah, he picked out his pocket knife.

Tsukiyama chuckled and patted my shoulder, “fufufu… Kaneki-kun, it seems that our dinner today is also quite feisty, don’t you think?”

I shrugged it off and walked forward. I cracked my finger and released 2 limbs of my kagune. This enough already sent horrors to their faces.

“Let’s make this quick or those who’s hungry back home will start to eat innocent people who happened to stroll near our house.”

“Oui, your wish is my command.” Again with that bow.

“Feisty or not, it’s the same. Those little bickering mouths who can only bark useless curses…”

After all…

“…I’ll rip it off. Completely.”

…They were foods, in my eyes.




They were running back as fast as they can. It’s useless. Tsukiyama has already outfasted and trapped them between us. I didn’t need to worked up my legs too much. This place was narrow, it’s just an another dark alleys.

“N-no… no… this can’t be! Even though we just got so much money…!”

“L-let go of us…!”

“P-please s-spare our life! Please!”

“We promise we will leave you both alone so..!”


“…You, the one who said you promised to leave us alone…”

“Yes- Ha?”




So his name’s Honda… He pissed me off.

“Who do think you are? How dare you…”

I opened the zipper of my mouth and grabbed his hair and forced him to look at me. His eyes were full of tears and his mouth’s gaping to searched for the right words. He was too afraid to say anything. Cold sweat were dropping from his face. Add ugly sad expression to covered it. It’s weird. Really weird.

How could I not have anymore sympathy?

“I’m speechless… Honda-san, right? A weak human trash like you, saying to leave me and the guy behind you ALONE? But… It’s not like you guys were the ones who messed with us first?” I said ironically. I could hear Tsukiyama’s snickering silently from there.

“…Well, what’s really pissing me off is that you said it as if you’re sure that you will go home alive. Are you dumb, naive, or just too dense?”

“N-no… I-I-I… I-I-m sorry! I d-d-didn’t mean t-that!” This guy was shaking. His voice stuttered heavily. Hahaha… how could I find this pretty funny?

Tsukiyama seemed couldn’t hold his mouth any longer, “Pfft… Well, of course Kaneki-kun would be angry. You pigs talked down to us. That line should be ours, you know? Right, Kaneki-kun?”

Unconciously I smirked and yanked his hair tighter, earning louder cry from the ‘food’, “No Tsukiyama-san… That line may should’ve been ours but… I wouldn’t say it to them. As if I could leave them alone, living freely in this fucked up world. Don’t you think so?” I looked up a bit to Tsukiyama, smiling sarcastically and earned his earnest laugh.

“Ahahahaha! Tres bien, Kaneki-kun! Nice said!”

“Well then…” I reverted my eyes back to the most arrogant prey that I was holding, “let’s finish this.”

“My pleasure.” he replied as his kagune back encircling his arm.


Don’t blame me for this. Blame our world for making us living like shit.

“How’s the meat?” 20 minutes after our hunting of this week, Tsukiyama has already packed the necessarry portion from the humans that we attacked.

“Yes right here, I’ve done cutting it. Should be enough for another 2 weeks.” Tsukiyama brought up a brown bag full of it.

“Alright. Give it to me. I’ll carry it.”

“Oh no! Let me carry this for you, Kaneki-kun! You must be tired, don’t you? It’s pretty heavy.”

I sighed and smiled a bit, “well, if that’s what you want. Thank you.”

On our way back home, silence embraced us. The moon shone brightly on top of our head. Noises from the cars accompanying our walk, making the situation slightly comfortable. It was a comfortable silence.

Then a long memory acrossed my head. I remembered this path. Just a little more and there was a cheap steak restaurant. Ah… there it was. My once favorite place to eat out.

I stared at the people who’s eating that steak through the window. Their faces… were all so happy, satisfied, finally could eat their favorite menu. Cutting the juicy meat into cubes and then put it in their mouth. Haha… I forgot how it tasted like now.


Tsukiyama’s voice startled me, “A-ah? What is it?”

I waited for a respond, but he kept quite and stared at me. I stared at him back, questioning him with my eyes. Then he walked forward until he could see the vision that I was seeing. His expression was just stoic. Not amused, yet not disgusted.

“I want to ask you something. May I?” His request surprised me a bit. His usual annoying tone disappeared. “…What is it?”

He’s still looking at the people who were eating inside that restaurant. His face was showing no interest but it was also like he’s wondering about something trivial.

“What do you think about the food that those humans are eating?” He asked while still looking at the window. This made me think for awhile.

“Well… Because I once a human, then I just can’t really say that steaks are not good. But… I forgot how it tasted like since long ago. It tasted like this kind of muddy rotten guts… as far as I can remember.”

“I see…” Tsukiyama chuckled as he smiled, then with pride he stated, “for me, all kinds of food has their own charm,” his face lifted up, “culinary is an art. Taste is not the only thing about food. The appearance as well is something that needs to be appreciated. My opinion for the least as a gourmet, human’s foods are artistic. They’re clever enough to bring out the appetites,” Then he looked at me sincerely, “unfortunately I can’t taste them. Just like a rose. Beautiful but deadly.”

I was kind of speechless. I didn’t know that Tsukiyama could ever think like that. I just never really thought that his appreciation towards foods were just really passionate. He’s serious about his hobby. Well I guess I should’ve known. Our dish everyday at home now just different than usual. It’s fancier since Tsukiyama’s around. The taste was somehow different as well, I didn’t know how did he and Hinami-chan could do it. I guess it’s just something that I didn’t really need to understand.

“Wow… I didn’t know that’s how you see it. That’s kind of amazing, Tsukiyama-san.” I complimented.

“Thank you, Kaneki-kun. I appreciate it.” He bowed down elegantly again. “Then, may I ask another question?”

Another one?


“It’s been bugging me since we’ve been living together,” Tsukiyama’s face now turned amused that somehow made me curious, “we’ve been ‘hunting’ together for awhile since then, and I still remember our first. Your eyes… they showed no hesitation. It was like, ‘humans are food. Nothing more. Nothing less.’ For all honesty, I was stunned. I know I’ve never known you from the start, but I can feel that you are not the same as the one who I first met back at your university… so what I want to ask is…” Tsukiyama tilted his head and lift up my chin with his finger, “What has changed your mind?”

His question stabbed my mind completely. My eyes widened before I knew it because I was shocked a bit.


Tsukiyama let go of my chin waiting for my answer. I stared at him for awhile, still couldn’t say anything. Never really thought that somebody would ask me that. I reverted my eyes and put my hand on my right eye, and I laughed.

“Hah… hahaha… Hahaha! You’re kind of funny, Tsukiyama-san!” I laughed bitterly. His face was also surprised. Maybe he’s wondering why did I laugh.

“…You really want to know?” I asked him again, smiling. He didn’t say anything yet his eyes showed me that he’s dead curious. “Okay then. I’ll give you a piece of my mind.” I walked away from the restaurant and stood near the main road.

“I think you got me wrong over there, Tsukiyama-san.” I started.

“What do you mean?” Tsukiyama asked me back in confusion.

“You and the others know that the humans we’ve been killing are the ones who do criminalism. A kind of rapist, robber, pickpocket, even murderer,” I picked a gravel and play it in my hands, “that means the humans that we’ve been killed are trashes that don’t need to live. They’ll just threatened this city with their crime. So as we eat, we also help the human society. I think it’s okay to consume those kind of humans. All of them tastes the same, anyway. So…” I threw the gravel into the other side of the side walk, “I don’t have any sympathy for people like them.”

I put both of my hands inside my pocket of my black colored jacket and stared into that other side walk, “but, Tsukiyama-san, I think you’re right. It’s just weird how could I just kill them without thinking twice. Even though they’re criminals, I could at least still have this feeling of uncertainty. But I actually didn’t. Before this, I usually eat from the stocks that Anteiku has provided for the other ghouls needs. They are from the people who’s dead from accident or suicide.”

“Yes… I’ve heard that before. Then where did all of those manual skill of yours came from?” Tsukiyama asked again behind me. I didn’t know what was his expression looked like now, but I was pretty sure he’s still willing to listen.

“…This world is wrong…”

“…Wrong? Why?”

“This world is so unfair to begin with…”


“How could 2 intellectual different species live in the same world? In the same society? How could be ghouls are the minority? Even though ghouls and humans nature are not so different at all. There are bad guys in both of us, but there are good ones as well. People just do not want to see that because they’re afraid of what they do not know.”

This was frustrating…

“How could be ghouls existed in the first place? You all suffer enough just to blend with the humans.”


“I was a human, there were some things that I didn’t know about you guys. I’m sorry… But now my mindset has changed.”

I turned my back and faced Tsukiyama and said, “if eating humans means I will survive, then I’ll do it. I will do anything to live as I am. I will live according… to this fucked up world’s rule…!”

My emotions were too much for me to handle. Gritting my teeth, I put my fist on my chest and screamed out, “This is me, Tsukiyama-san! This is what I have become!”

He was standing there. With his mouth a little bit opened with widened eyes. He was astonished, speechless. My eyes were still unwavered. Then as he walked slowly closer to me, he dropped the brown bag to the ground, “…I changed my mind…”, and suddenly he one-kneeled down in front of me, just like when the first time he said he wanted to become my ‘sword’.

“I will follow you forever, Kaneki-kun. Even if the others betrayed you, I won’t. I will help you until you’ve found the reason of your existence, until you tell me to go away. I swear, I will help you to overcome any kind of obstacles. You have my words.”

I looked down to see him. What he swore, I will grab ahold of it. Hearing this from Tsukiyama made me feel I could depend on him more. He made me feel I could do this with the others as well, Banjou, Hinami-chan, Ichimi, Jiro, and Sante. With their help, I know I will be able to overcome this.

“Thank you… Tsukiyama.”

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