I hear the clock, it’s six a.m. I feel so far away from where I’ve been, I got my eggs, I got my pancakes too, got my maple syrup, everything but you…
I woke up early, around six, just like every morning. It was weird. The weather was still cloudy, and there was a whole lot of green, but it wasn’t Forks. No. I was a college student now, at Washington State University. I was a Literature major. I had my own place. My routines were the same. Wake up, stretch, yawn, brood, get out of bed, shower, brush hair, dry hair, cook breakfast, eat, go to class, and repeat everyday. Sure, I had friends, and I liked where I was, but something was missing. I got out the eggs, syrup, a bowl, a fork, and some pancake mix. I’d been doing this my whole life, but I felt so empty, so lonely. I couldn’t get used to waking up without him next to me. I was broken. All I ever needed was right here, except him.
I break the yolks and make a smiley face; I kinda like it in my brand new place. I wipe the spots off of the mirror, don’t leave the keys in the door I never put wet towels on the floor anymore ’cause…
I turned on the stove, put down the pan, squirted on some oil, and cracked the eggs, pancakes came next. I was getting the hang of things in college. Nothing I couldn’t handle. My apartment was a few blocks away from the college, so I took the liberty of walking. Rain or not. It didn’t really matter though. I had no car (my truck had died in the summer before my Senior year), and I was so close. I ate, cleaned my dishes, grabbed my stuff, and headed out the door. It was pouring. I lifted up my hood. Heading down the street. I heard a car horn, I silver Volvo was coming up the street. My heart skipped a beat. The car sped past, nearly soaking me from a puddle. Frustrated tears welled in my eyes. Today wasn’t going to be a good day. I was sure of it.
Dreams last so long, even after you’re gone I know, that you love me and soon you will see You were meant for me and I was meant for you. I called my momma; she was out for a walk…
I got home around four, threw my stuff on the floor, collapsed on my bed, and cried. People, who ever said that high school was the toughest time of your life, were very, very wrong. The sorority girls were nasty, making fun of my looks, and how geeky I was. These women are adults. But I knew, that if he were here, I could careless. But he wasn’t, and I was just a sensitive, sad, lost cause. I tried to calm myself, and I called my mom.
“Hello?” she said.
“Mom, it’s Bella,” I said.
“Hey baby, what’s wrong?” she asked. I knew she knew I had been crying.
“I just need someone to talk to,” I choked. Who else was there? My mother was my best friend.
“What happened sweetheart?” she asked. I sniffled, almost scared to admit what had been paining me for so long.
“My heart’s broken Mom,” I said. That was an understatement. My heart was shattered.
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn’t wanna talk so picked up a paper, it was more bad news more hearts being broken or people being used Put on my coat in the pouring rain…
I had talked to my mom for at least four hours, and had gotten my term paper done. It was around 6:05 a.m. I stared at my cup of coffee, then back at my newspaper. I wasn’t interested. My mind wondered, back to when I was happy, back in Forks. Where I was liked, and where I was loved. Where he lived, and where we spent the weekends kissing in his car, or in the woods, or just talking. Where, I had found the place that I belonged. In someone’s heart, where I was someone. I stopped reminiscing, I had to go. I got my things, locked the door, and headed out. It was raining again.
I saw a movie it just wasn’t the same ‘Cause it was happy and I was sad and it made me miss you oh so bad cause Dreams last so long, even after you’re gone…
Class was the same. Lectures, and notes, and more lectures. We watched the movie Emma to have a better feeling of the book. I almost cried. My chest ached, my heart hurt. I hated love. Anything that had to do with love, because it reminded me of him, of my love. I went home that day and cried again. I fell asleep and dreamed of him. He came back to me, and took me away. I woke up to my alarm clock.
I know, that you love me and soon you will see You were meant for me and I was meant for you I go about my business, I’m doing fine Besides, what would I say if I had you on the line…
It was the weekend. I was finishing up some other projects, and papers. I had been tempted to call him, just to hear his voice. But what was the point? It was over between us. I had to admit; I was feeling better after the past few days of breakdowns. I was slowly carrying on. But, this nagging at the back of my mind, wouldn’t stop. ‘No, it’s not over, it’ll never be over.’ ‘You love him he loves you. You’re his brand of heroine.’ I tried to shut it out, what if it was right. I put the phone back into the receiver. What could I possibly say?
Same old story, not much to say Hearts are broken every day I brush my teeth and put the cap back on I know you hate it when I leave the light on…
I brushed my teeth, turned on my light, and sat in bed, writing. I was determined to get my book done. It was based on us, our story. Our love. I didn’t cry, I didn’t brood. I just wrote. I poured out my heart. This was my final good-bye. I wrote for a good two hours, and then stopped. I was almost done, proud of the work I’d accomplished. I placed my notebook and pen on my desk, right under the lamp.
I pick up a book and turn the sheets down and then Take a deep breath and a good look around Put on my pj’s and hop into bed I’m half alive but I feel mostly dead…
I then picked up Hamlet by William Shakespeare. It was the next book we were on for the second trimester. I read, changed, and got back into bed. I looked at the now familiar cream-colored walls. I missed my room. I sighed. The familiar, lonely, cold feeling crept up on me. I curled in a ball, missing those familiar arms. I was starting to doubt my strength as a half. I missed the other piece. I took a shaky breath and told myself not to cry, it was no use. Tears leaked out from my eyelids. I was so cold. I left the light on that night. I was too lazy to turn it off, but I was silently, deniably, hoping, that it would turn off.
I, I try and tell myself it’ll be all right I just shouldn’t think anymore tonight ’cause Dreams last so long, even after you’re gone I know, that you love me and soon you will see…
I tried to coax myself into sleep, but my dreams tormented me. I told myself to calm down, but it didn’t work. The light was till on, and wasn’t the comfort I needed. I eventually fell into a fitful sleep. My dreams, so vivid, and how I didn’t want to wake up. Why was I torturing myself? I needed to stop thinking about him. I just couldn’t. I hoped, with all my might, that if he were on the same wavelength, he’d be feeling my pain, and my sorrow. I hoped you knew, that I loved him, and hated him.
You were meant for me and I was meant for you Yeah, you were meant for me and I was meant for you…
I woke up the next morning, a bit frazzled, and sad. A delicious smell filled my senses, but I knew it was just the bakery that was right next-door. I turned onto my back, and reached up to turn the light off. It already was.
Fin